Precious Memories

Today was a hard day for the Burns family.  We sat by the bedside of our wonderful Papaw Burns as he took his final breaths on Earth.  The day was filled with tears and memories of what a great man he was.  So dedicated to God and family and church. As I watched him slip away, I couldn't help but remember with fondness how fun he was when I was a child.  Always laughing and telling jokes and simply enjoying life.  He was quite the character, but time and age had stolen his zest for life. He seemed homesick for a place he had never seen, but had prepared for his entire life. 

One of his favorite songs was Beulah Land..in fact, I will be singing that song at his funeral; a request he made many years ago.These pictures were taken at his 92nd birthday.  I will never forget this day, not because we had a great time, or because he got a special gift. The most precious memory I have of this day is the prayer he prayed before we ate the birthday dinner.

 He gave thanks for God's mercy and love and for the family he had been blessed with.  Then he prayed a very eloquent prayer asking God to help him to love people more and to love them the way He loves them, and believe me, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. At the end of his prayer he said the words I had heard him pray hundreds of times in my life...."and we'll never fail to give you all the praise...amen".

I have so many precious memories of my Papaw.  I will hold them in my heart as long as I live. I never hear this song anymore, but it seems so appropriate as I reflect on the happier days I spent with my grandpa.  He was certainly one of kind...I will miss him.


PRECIOUS MEMORIES, HOW THEY LINGER
HOW THEY EVER FLOOD MY SOUL
IN THE STILLNESS, OF THE MIDNIGHT
PRECIOUS, SACRED SCENES UNFOLD

PRECIOUS MEMORIES, UNSEEN ANGELS
SENT FROM SOMEWHERE TO MY SOUL
HOW THEY LINGER, EVER NEAR ME
AND THE SACRED PAST UNFOLD.

AS I TRAVEL, ON LIFE'S PATHWAY
KNOW NOT WHAT THE YEARS MAY HOLD;
AS I PONDER, HOPE GROWS FONDER
PRECIOUS MEMORIES FLOOD MY SOUL.

A Visit to the Cemetery

Yes, I visited Rose Hill Cemetery today.  Well, I actually went there to walk and take some pictures.  I love walking in the cemetery. It's so peaceful and beautiful and I don't think of it as a scary place at all.  My aunt Jean is buried there and my Grandma Burns. I stopped by their graves and paused in my walked to reflect on the memories I have of them.  They were both wonderful women and they are dearly loved and missed by many of us.

I guess the important thing here is that I was only visiting....but someday I will have a resting place just like my grandmother and my aunt.  I have given a little bit of thought as to where I might like to be buried, but I don't give it much thought.  I just assume that my last day on earth will not come for many more years. But it's important to remember that none of us are promised tomorrow.   We are here on Earth for an appointed number of days and then we will go to our eternal home. 

We were told on Sunday that my Grandpa Burns is in the final stages of his life.  Hospice aids and nurses are sitting with him round the clock and we have all been dropping by the nursing home to hold his hand and let him know we love him and are there for him.  I have watched the Grandpa that I love slip away over the last couple of years, but the Grandpa of my youth is still hiding there behind his beautiful blue eyes.  On Sunday as I leaned over his bed, he stared right in to my eyes for what felt like several minutes.  Then he reached over and held my chin in his hand.  I winked at him and he winked back and grinned.  There he was...my Papap, as I used to call him, looking me in the eyes, holding my chin and letting me know that he knew I was there.  I know that he is ready to go as he has been a devoted Christian for nearly all of his 93 years, but my heart is aching at the thought of saying that final goodbye.
 

It probably won't be many more days till I will visit Rose Hill Cemetery to lay the body of my Grandpa to rest beside his wife of 60 years, b ut today was a visit of another sort; to enjoy the beauty and peacefulness, to reflect on loved ones, and to capture a picture or two.

Restless

For several weeks now I have had a restless feeling.  Nothing is wrong, but something's just not quite right.  I just can't seem to be satisfied, but I don't know why.  Then today I came across a beautiful prayer by St. Augustine.  Now, I must admit, I do not have the foggiest idea of who St. Augustine is, but I very much love the prayer he is known for.  This is it:

Let us pray (in silence) that we may grow in union with the One who fulfills our heart's desire.
Almighty God, you have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless till they find their rest in you; so lead us by your Spirit that in this life we may live to your glory and in the life to come enjoy you for ever; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

To add to the revelation I received today, I remembered (and have been meditating on) Pastor Doug's message at church yesterday about being silent in the presence of God...and listening for the still small voice.  He referenced 1 Kings 19:11-13, a wonderful passage that I have read many times and thought how profound to know that in all the chaos that surrounded Elijah, the still small voice of God was still there.

Could it be that my restlessness has been the still small voice of God drawing me to be in His presence? To sit quietly before Him and soak in the beauty of His holiness?  Last night and today, I have purposefully made myself sit in the quiet for a few moments here and there.  Just the thought of resting in the perfect peace of God is enough to make my heart relax and enjoy the quiet moment.  I remember, even as a child, I felt a need to pray and be close to God.  It was a little scary as a child to think of being in the presence of the Almighty God.  Now days it's a much different experience.  It's like a tall glass of ice water after being out in the heat.  It's like putting my feet up after a long exhausting day.  It truly feels like perfect rest, for a restless heart.

Thank you Lord for whispering in my hear and tugging on my heart.  I pray that I will always be able to hear the still small voice of God leading me to a place of rest.
Psalm 23:2  ....He leads me beside still waters...

Wrong side of the tracks

As I was coming home from work the other day, traffic was at a dead stop on By Pass 4.  Nothing unusual about that at 5 in the evening, but this time I was stopped close to the little Butler Regional Airport.  It was a beautiful clear day and as I looked over at the airport, I could see Tylersville Rd winding uphill around it, then I could see Tuley Rd and "the knob".

If you're not from around here, you wouldn't know what "the knob" means.  Well, it's the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak.  It's the place where hillbillies from Kentucky came to settle and raise their families.  The houses there were some of the last to get indoor plumbing in Butler County and many of them are built on stilts to level them.  It's very hilly and parts of it are run down and neglected. The yards are sometimes full of old cars on jacks and the front porches are sometimes home to old washing machines and back seats of cars.  By the way, the back seat of a car makes a nice front porch lounge chair, in case you were wondering. How do I know so much? Because that's where I was raised.  I am a knobber!  For people who have met me in the last 20 years and don't know my background, this may come as a surprise.  I'm not ashamed of it, quite the contrary.  The knob is part of me and it will forever be "home" in some ways.  I still have relatives, who I love dearly, that live up there. And I feel at home when I visit them.

I sat there in the traffic that day remembering with fondness my childhood on the knob.  We played hopscotch on the driveway, we ran to the corner store to buy candy whenever we had a pop bottle to cash in.  We walked around barefooted most of the time and there were no leashes on our dogs.  In the evenings we sat in the front yard until the lightning bugs came out and then we chased them around and rubbed them on our arms just when their tales would light up.  It was kind of like wearing those flashing tennis shoes, but at the expense of a poor lightning bug. I got my hair pulled or whipped with a switch when I misbehaved, and my friends were banned from the yard when they misbehaved. Now, I've never whipped my kids with a switch or pulled their hair...but it didn't damage me in any way so I'm not complaining.  My parents/grandparents did the best they knew how to do back in those days.  They were poor hill folks from Kentucky who were trying to give their families something more than they had.  They felt comfortable on the knob and they sure had a better life than the one they left behind.  No more coal mining or moonshining for my grandpa.  He was now a member of the UAW and a proud factory worker for the General Motors Corporation. 

It wasn't really apparent to me as a child that I was raised on the "wrong side of the tracks".  I didn't realize it until I was about 13.  I started to realize that a lot of people lived in nicer houses and a lot of people had better clothes and even some of my own family had moved on to nicer neighborhoods.  I admit that when I took driver's ed and they dropped me off at my house, I was a little embarrassed.  My house looked great compared to a lot of the houses on my street.  But there were a few close by that were in really bad shape.  It bothered me a little that some of my school mates might think I was poor or some kind of hillbilly, but I wasn't popular enough for that to hinder my high school career.  It bothered me even more to think that I might actually be vain enough to care what people thought of me...so I blew it off. All these years later, I look back at life on the knob as a good life.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to raise my kids up there, but it wasn't because people were poor.  It was because there was crime and bad influences around.  It was because I didn't want them to be looked down on for where they lived.  I could afford to raise them in a better neighborhood...so I did.

This little pause in my trip home from work made me think about how much my life has been transformed in the last 35 years and where I have come from.  None of that compares, however, to the transformation of the heart I have undergone.  I have been made new from the inside out.  I am an heir and a joint heir with Christ, the hope of glory.  I am still the little girl that was raised on the knob, but I am also a daughter of the King of Kings.  He has clothed me with lovingkindness and tender mercies.  He has written my name in the book of life...the book of who's who, you might say.  I am a member of the royal family, and my address once my life on Earth is over is very simple.  You will find me on the right side of the tracks...my address will be easy to remember.  Heaven....city made of pure gold.  Thank you Lord, for claiming me as your own.

 Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God.  1 John 3:1

Mother's Day

Another Mother's Day has come and gone and I can say that once again I have been filled with mixed emotions.  I find myself remembering the times I had with my mother a lot around this time of year.  It's only natural to think of your mom on Mother's Day. I remember a specific Mother's Day when my mom and her friend Mary came to my house for a cookout.  We had a terrific meal and it was nice to have Mary here.  Her children were...well let's just say absent from her life.  I was glad for her to part of our day and not to spend it alone.  After dinner we went to Walmart and shopped a bit and then mom dropped me back at home.  About an hour later she called and said she would be in the driveway to come out and get something.  I went out and she handed me a small box.  The box contained a pair of diamond earrings she bought for me for Mother's Day.  What a great surprise!

But I not only think of my mom, I think of my grandmothers and my dear mother in law, all of whom have gone to heaven.  They were all such a big part of my life and it's hard to believe that my time with them is gone.  This is what has been on my mind most the last few days. I have been thinking about how we just don't realize how important our Mothers are until they are no longer with us.  I miss so many things about my mom and the other wonderful mother figures I had in my life.  I miss their wisdom and patience and their willingness to lend and ear. 

The message at church this morning was on the simplicity of God and that we get so busy with our "schedules" that we never really relax and quietly listen for what God is wanting us to know.  I can identify with busy schedules and feeling like my head is cluttered with all the many things I need to do.  It's very easy to fill my days with this and that and even to waste time.  I don't want to waste my days.  I want to have friends that encourage me and I want to be a blessing to my family.  I want my days to count for something. 

Help me Lord to stop and listen for what you are trying to tell me.   Help me to redeem the time, and to put you, your Word and your people before all of the "schedules" and demands.  Amen

I'm singing...I'm in the choir and I'm singing!

I can hardly believe that it's been more than a year since I sang with the worship team at CLC.  Wow, what a year it has been!  This time last year, we were wondering where God would lead us and where our next home church would be.  It was so hard to see the church people we loved scattered to one place or another.  Now I can say that God's plans were to grow us all.  He has given Mike and Leah a wonderful place to call home and they are being used to help Richard and Andrea do what God has called them to do.

So...now what am I to do?  Well, this week I will make my debut with the choir!  For nearly 10 years I found my church "identity" in being on the worship team.  I held a microphone and tried to lead the congregation in worship every Sunday morning.  I'm not the best singer in the crowd, but there was always a place for me.  I was always expected to be there early and to be ready to lift the name of Jesus.  The past year I have been a spectator....and it's been nice to sit back and enjoy the wonderful music at CFM.  Now my time has come...I have joined the choir and we will be singing for the Resurrection service on Sunday.  I'm excited and a bit nervous...I hope my voice holds out.  It seems a little weak after not singing much for the past year. 

I think the best thing that has come of taking a break from singing, is that I appreciate it more now.  I appreciate the CFM worship team.  I appreciate their hearts and their commitment to God. And I now realize that my "identity" is not found in singing.  My identity is found when I lift up holy hands and join with the congregation in praise to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  He sees me whether I am holding a mic and standing on the platform, or standing in the pews in the midst of the congregation.  I am a worshiper...no matter where I stand.  I am called to proclaim the goodness of God, no matter who knows my name and who doesn't.  I know who I am....I AM HIS!

A refuge for my children

What an eventful couple of weeks we have had around here.  My children have been diving head first in to making big decisions.  Business trips, new jobs, new cars and even an engagement!  WOW!

It's hard to believe that the babies that I once held, are now adults.  It's hard to believe that the toddlers whose hands I held so tightly to keep them from danger, are now fully capable adults.  It's hard to believe the children who came to me with homework problems, are now smarter than I am.  It's hard to believe that the teenagers who kept me busy with activities are now leaving me behind as they create lives of their own.

It's times like this when I ask myself if I've done enough...if I've done too much.  I know that as they were growing up, I trusted God to help me raise them.  We publicly dedicated them both to the Lord when they were babies as a sign of our total dependence on God to help us care for the gift he had blessed us with.  I have spent countless hours caring for my children...and now I must trust Him that He will keep them as they begin their adult lives. 

I came across this scripture today that seemed to sum up my complete confidence in God and His plan for my children. Proverbs 14:26 Those who fear the LORD are secure; he will be a place of refuge for their children.

I have raised my children in the reverential awe of God; in the fear of the Lord.  I have trusted Him to be the perfect teacher when I have failed.  As our lives and roles change, I will also trust Him to be their refuge. 

Thank you Lord for being a helper, a friend and a refuge for my children. Amen.